I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
True college students do jello shots in the library
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
