4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
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