My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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