So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
