ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
