The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
