I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
