I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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