i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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