i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
