Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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