A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize