you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
