Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
