This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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