Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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