Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
