Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
