you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
