All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
did i walk over a car last night?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
