Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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