This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
