grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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