I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
