i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
