i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
They took my balls.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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