Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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