I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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