It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
