Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
