does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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