I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
