this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
