dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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