You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
