I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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