Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
