Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
