Whod you bang
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
