Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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