i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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