His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dear god my vagina.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
