Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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