tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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