I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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