Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
