Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize