yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
