Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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