I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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