If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
