Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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