if i can run in heels then i can drive
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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