mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
