i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think my moral compass just broke
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
