i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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