Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
