She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
