I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
