I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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