It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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