Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
