Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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