Will you blow on my dice?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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