When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
