I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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