Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
