I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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