WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
